


isn't it lovely, all alone?

by thicklykeen



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M, Someone dies, Unbeta'd, i apologize if its bad its like 3 am and im exhausted, i wrote this cause i was sad, im also supposed to be asleep but im SAD, klance if u squint - Freeform, whats new sksksksk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-20
Updated: 2018-06-20
Packaged: 2019-05-25 21:59:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14986493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thicklykeen/pseuds/thicklykeen
Summary: grief's a funny thing.





	isn't it lovely, all alone?

**Author's Note:**

> if u didn't get the memo I wrote this bc I was sad hah  
> kinda personal? its a bit of a vent and I cried while writing it oops  
> also this is unbetad pls forgive hngh

Keith thinks they’re supposed to be strangers after Lance’s death. He thinks that every thought he’s had of Lance is suddenly supposed to vanish, but it doesn’t. Keith has memorise Lance’s room like the back of his hand, knows where everything is placed and where he can find something if he needs it. He doesn’t need anything, he really doesn’t, he just wants to see the things. See everything that belong to Lance, try to see how they fit in his palm, because he misses Lance, as much as he hates to admit it. He’s stolen the jacket that Lance wore most days, adapted it into nearly outfit, abandoned his red one for something that feels more like home. Something that was worn by somebody who felt like a home, who helped someone who harbored vicious thoughts about himself. It doesn’t help him sleep at night, the melatonin he takes to help, nothing does. He tosses and turns, wishing Lance was back. Wishes he could take back some of the words he said to him, if he had known, Keith wouldn’t have been as harsh. It’s not the first time he’s experienced loss, and it won’t be the last, but he just wished it wasn’t Lance. Lance who was loud, who was funny, who was annoying at times, Lance who was unapologetically himself. 

Keith stays with Shiro for nearly a month, not touching his shared apartment with Lance besides searching for clothes when he goes back to work and letting Lance’s family get things from his room. It’s funny how disoriented Keith feels throughout that whole encounter. He doesn’t remember it, doesn’t remember faces or names or even the words he said. He just remembers sitting on Lance’s bed after they left, it was still unmade, Lance said he would do it when he got back from work, but he never got to do that. He stays there well into the night before walking back to Shiro’s house. When he gets back he doesn’t eat, doesn’t want anything. If he eats he feels like he might get sick. He just heads upstairs, doesn’t even hear Shiro asking him if he’s alright.

 

A month passes and Keith’s better. He can stay in their apartment now, can live like a normal human being, but he still calls Lance to hear his voice mail, still texts him to just know that he has some shred of him left. Everytime Keith sends a text through, he expects an answer back, hopes for an answer back, but he knows he won’t get one. He knows Lance won’t pick the phone up, but that doesn’t stop him from leaving him voice mails. He doesn’t do it often, only does it on the nights he can’t sleep or when he’s feeling down and can’t get his mind off anything but Lance. It’s a burden for Keith, knowing that his friend is gone, knowing that another person he grew attached to is gone. By now, Keith feels like he should be used to it. But he isn’t. He doesn’t think he ever will be. He thought he was at one point, but my god was he proven wrong. He wants this to be over, he wants the grief to end, doesn’t want to feel this sad about someone who’s been gone for a little while. He doesn’t think he will get over it, but he hopes he will. He’s a mess of emotions, he’s carried away. He gets distracted at work, can’t keep his mind off certain things, can’t keep his mind off of anything. 

People visit. Mostly Shiro, but Pidge and Hunk come over, too. Sometimes Allura shows up with Shiro, and she’s nice. She helps out around the house, makes Keith tea when he doesn’t feel like getting out of bed or off the couch. There’s soft murmurs with Shiro and Allura, but Hunk and Pidge are quiet. All scared that if one of them talks another will burst into tears. The silence is deafening. It’s so quiet you could hear a pen drop, you can hear the soft static of the TV as it plays on mute. It’s usually some movie or show Keith has seen a million times, usually the last DVD they put in the DVD player. The last movie night they had with Lance, where he yelled at the main characters for being idiots and laughed so loudly it was contagious. Keith can’t remember the title, doesn’t even know what it’s about, he hadn’t paid much attention that night or any of the other times it was on. He doesn’t care enough to pay attention, he doesn’t care much for anything really. And usually, that’d be a good thing, but now? It’s not.

It’s Five months after Lance dies when things begin to go back to normal. Keith doesn’t go into Lance’s room as often, has managed to leave the door closed, has managed to wear his jacket less, has managed to talk too more people. He cries less, a lot less, and he’s able to move on. Lance still crosses his mind a lot, he crosses everyone’s mind still, everything he left unsaid, everything he just left. And of course he hadn’t meant to, no one knew the accident would happen, but it did. Sometimes Keith expects Lance to show up late on Friday’s still, because that’s when he usually worked late at the diner he worked at, just to get a little more money to pay for snacks for Friday’s annual movie nights. 

They still do Friday movie nights, but they’re quieter. Less commentary, less laughter, but they can still imagine it all. Imagine what Lance would say about this scene or about this character, and it makes them chuckle. They feel happy when they think about stuff like that, it makes them smile, even on bad days. 

 

It’s a year later when Keith gets a text from Lance’s number. It had been put out of order awhile ago, so when he gets the text it frightens him. He learned Lance’s number by heart in case of emergency. The only other person’s number he knew by heart was Shiro’s. It’s a short message, out of context (sorry, i’ll be home late. get the snacks still!!!) probably, but it shakes Keith to the core. Surprises him, because for a moment he thinks that Lance is actually there and will be coming home late. Keith hovers for a moment, reading the message over again, reading the number over again before texting the person, telling them that they have the wrong number. 

Keith has to sit down, recoil from this. Remember where he is, what day it is, and remember that Lance isn’t alive anymore. And it’s alright. Keith is alright. He goes to Lance’s room, and looks around. It still smells like his cologne and detergent. As Keith steps out of his room, and he closes the door, he doesn’t know the next time he’ll walk in there. Doesn’t know if he’ll ever go back in there. What Keith does know, is that he’s alright and that he’s moved on.

**Author's Note:**

> find me on tumblr @funkyhypnotic


End file.
